Believe in the Power That You Hold

I don't believe that I'm good enough to succeed.

My judgement is clouded by self-doubt. I don't have the courage to make bold decisions. My skills won't cut it for the career I desire. I will never be in a loving relationship. My trauma will always prevent me from moving forward.

All of these thoughts have stopped me from seeing my true potential. I think it's time to remedy that.

-

The future has always been uncertain for me. I have never felt a pull towards community, career, religion, family, or a traditional lifestyle. This has alienated me from my own moral compass, not trusting it because I don't fit in with most other people and their ideals.

I grew up believing that you have to conform to the monotonous 9-5 schedule and work your ass off to see minimal results. Loving what you do doesn't matter, so much as you can pay the bills at the beginning of the month.

As a kid, seeing my parents so unfulfilled and dissatisfied with their careers, did nothing to inspire me. I thought that I would have to choose a sensible career path, one that served the sole purpose of providing security for myself. However, this is not truly what I ever believed.

I knew within myself that I wanted more. I wanted to feel proud of the things I was accomplishing and to never feel miserable when facing the work day. I did not want to be confined to a desk doing data input, or work in a factory mass producing machinery. I could not see how these careers would ever make me happy. However, for the first few years I was working, all I cared about was the paycheque. I was so eager to step foot into the real world, to have responsibilities, and my own money to spend. I took whatever job would hire me and really couldn't be too picky with my options. While I still don't have the luxury of choice, I now know that I can find fulfillment elsewhere. In the meantime, while I don't have a job I love or even like the people I work with, this is only one part of my day. Once my shift is over, I get to go home and dedicate time to the things that I actually enjoy. I can make myself a nice meal, talk to my cousin, write in my journal, meditate, listen to podcasts, and find creative inspiration. I have to provide this time for myself to reset and remind myself who I truly am.

The work that I do is a stepping stone for me. It gives me invaluable experience, as well as an okay wage. Right now, that's the best I can hope for. What I need to ensure is that I don't start tying in my value to my current work status. Just because I'm not in the industry that I see myself thriving in, does not mean that I won't one day get there. In my free time, I need to nourish the seeds of creativity that I see blossoming within myself.

What I'm learning is that you need to cultivate your natural talents. Find those interests that have always felt special to you and give yourself serious time to explore them. Maybe it's going back to post-secondary, having conversations with people in your field of interest, or honing your craft in the quiet of your room. Whatever it may be, follow the thread. Get in touch with what in particular piques your curiosity. Which aspects do you love, which can you go without, how do you see this transforming into something lifelong? Really explore all of the possibilities, and try your best to ask a lot of questions.

“You need to find what you are good at and don’t give a fuck about what you suck at. You need to put yourself in a position to win with your strengths, because that is absolutely the straightest road to success.” — Gary Vaynerchuk

When you open the floor to opportunity, you are giving yourself the chance to connect with your best self. Don't let negativity get in the way of your potential. There might be people in your life that don't believe in your vision, or maybe you yourself aren't quite there yet. It will take time to feel a sense of security in the direction of your future.

You have to be open to the possibilities that could come from serious commitment and the accumulation of knowledge. Go to your local library or bookstore and search for topics related to your interests. Get books that not only nourish your creativity, but challenge the beliefs you have surrounding it. It's extremely insightful to get another perspective on the beliefs that you hold firm. Maybe there's more than meets the eye, and you discover a whole other world to immerse yourself in. Step back a bit so that you can refocus. Get a fresh pair of eyes on the situation and innovate new ways to move forward.

Doing this will help you to localize your area of expertise. Experiment and try new things, yes, but always come back to the things that feel most natural. Following your intuition, listening to your heart, and giving yourself space to breathe will go a long way to guiding you on your journey.

Remember that this is not a linear path. You will have set-backs and days when you feel that none of this is worth it: remind yourself of your purpose. Why did you set out on this journey in the first place? What do you hope to discover? Why does this passion light your fire? Journaling about all your thoughts and emotions surrounding this is incredibly helpful. It gives you the boost you need to continue, reinvigorating your delight and inspiration.

I leave you with this: do not be afraid to take the leap. Dive head first into that passion project that's always been lingering at the back of your mind. This is your opportunity to seize the moment and learn new things about yourself.

If not now, then when?