A Toxic Cycle

All I know to do is bury myself beneath vice after vice. I can't find pleasure or stimulation any other way.

Do I sell myself short or is this truly my reality? Can I not find happiness in the ordinary?

I'm always looking for ways to make my days more exciting and thrilling. The stranger in the car next to me thinks I'm attractive and mysterious. Smoking fills the silence and the outspoken. Weed lifts me higher, taking the weight from my shoulders. Drinking makes me bold and effervescent. Some being secretly observes my life with lust in their gaze.

Is this how life is supposed to feel?

Because I am uncomfortable and stuck and desolate.

When will I figure it out? Will I ever?

I need responsibility and a challenge and a chance. A chance to prove myself living in the life I belong.

I hope I can muster up the courage.