Alone With Your Thoughts

There's a power in taking time to be with yourself. To sit with your thoughts and let them run their course. It's something that I practice often and it always brings me the mental clarity I need to continue searching for answers.

When I feel run down and can't figure out what's blocking my path, it means that it's time for me to be alone. This doesn't necessarily mean to isolate myself from the ones around me, but I can't say it isn't helpful. With all outside chatter gone from your life, it's easier to pinpoint exactly what's been troubling you.

You could be dissatisfied with many things in your life, but you've been living on auto-pilot for so long you forget. You robotically go through your days: eating breakfast, going to work, coming home, showering, etc. You need a little reminder here and there that this life consists of so much more than menial tasks.

All you need do is give yourself space to reconnect with your core.

Check off tasks on your to-do list, finish a project you've been meaning to get to, all the little roadblocks that are in the way of meaningful experiences. Once you have cleared these, you can breathe a bit easier, see purpose to your days once again, form lasting connections in your life.

On the flipside, it's easy to get lost in loneliness. When you get so used to doing things by yourself, all possibilities of filling your days with another person gets lost. You fear that you would lose your independence by doing so.

There's a couple people in my life who are in this relentless cycle. Whether it be a defense mechanism to past trauma or anxiety surrounding social situations, they have become comfortable staying exactly where they are. In regards to trauma, the response of shutting out external help is a way to safeguard their heart and their emotions. Since they aren't putting themselves out into the world, there is no risk involved, as such, there is no reward. Their days feel hollow and lacking excitement. While they are happy where they are, they also can't help but feel they are digging a deeper hole for themselves as the days go on. It seems that they've gone too far to be extracted, at least this is what they trick themselves into thinking.

They are used to being hurt and taken advantage of when they push boundaries. Being shot down, berated, and emotionally or physically abused for expressing their opinions. It is an understandable response to hunker down and away from the world. But once that threat has passed, it's hard for them to pull away from this defense. They cling to it in fear that the past will repeat itself, that their abuser will once again be present in their lives.

It's no easy task to separate oneself from this.

It can take years of positive self-talk, therapy, and guidance from trusted people in their lives. Since this has become their safe space, they will not easily part with its routines. This might present itself as a fear of driving, going to the grocery store at peak hours, quitting an unfulfilling job, bettering their physical health. These all seem small, but they are very real consequences of sheltering oneself from the world. Everything is too big and too scary, not worth the possible detriment it could cause to their content coping.

The best thing to do in this case, is not be alone. Admit to yourself that it has been too long since you relied on another person. Admit to yourself that your comfort zone has been shrinking as the weeks go by. Admit to yourself that fear is controlling your every action.

Once you have admitted these things to yourself is when the work truly begins.

Each day you must push yourself to expand. Visualize your future you claim is only a dream and make steps to achieve it. Familiarize yourself with discomfort and let it settle in your bones.

This is where you will make your new home.

From discomfort comes opportunities comes the life you have always wanted, the one you have discouraged yourself from believing in. You know the truth of these words, but shy away from them nonetheless. You are only hurting yourself in doing so. The sooner that you can accept this, the sooner you can move forward. Enlighten yourself to more passionate living, one where you love and hurt and feel.

Is that not the goal of life? To feel the experiences surrounding you? If not, then it seems a terrible waste. Why not indulge in all the mishaps and shitty situations? From pain comes discovery and self-growth, an opportunity to truly know yourself inside and out.

To me, the pain is worth it. I want to feel everything. I want to know all that this world has to offer. By repressing and minimizing my emotions, I will only achieve a diluted version, and I'm aiming for maximum saturation.

Of course I don't want things to go wrong, I don't want to fail, but in these times is when I know the true strength of my being. I learn the vast expanse of my capabilities and discover new ways for me to weather the storm.

This is invaluable and I wouldn't trade it for anything.

The main thing to understand from this, is that you must question yourself. Why do you react the way you do? Whose beliefs are being whispered in your ear and spread through your mind? What actions can you take to stop your pull to negativity? Doing this will help gain clarity on your situation. Knock down barriers that have prevented you from taking meaningful steps forward. Maybe it's cutting out toxic people in your life. Maybe it's enrolling at a local gym and moving your body for thirty minutes a day.

Do not think that you have to start at the top of the mountain. You take steps each day that progress your ascent. And once you have reached that summit, that daunting feat, you know in your heart that it was all worth it. All the tears and discoveries and failures. Because they were all leading you higher and higher, towards the ultimate goal of finding yourself.

You have been lost and depraved all these months or years, don't you think you deserve this joy, this fulfillment? Well, I'm here to tell you that you do. And if you look around you, there will be many in your life willing to support you on your journey.

Do not stop in the face of adversity, do well to stay true to your morals, and never sacrifice your well-being for the sake of fear. Fear does not wish to see you succeed, it wishes to see you stagnate and make miserable company with it. Rise above and treat yourself with the utmost respect.

You are owed nothing less.

When you feel self-doubt nudging its way in, shove it back with all your might. Make it know its place, which is as far away from you as possible. Build yourself up with kind words and creativity. Let your mind roam free and see what it brings back to you. There is no limit to what your imagination can bring forth.

I know how hard it is when you want to stay where you are. I'm still coming to terms with that feeling myself. For many years, I have spent countless hours convincing myself I'm not good enough, that I'm not deserving of the future I desire. I've become caught up in the trap of not believing in myself, of minimizing my goals for the sake of comfort. But I know that I'm not happy, and I very much wish to be. Bringing a positive mindset out of the depths of myself has been a long road. Some days I still don't quite believe it, and that's okay. Because I know that once I've taken care of my hunger, my thirst, my bodily health, things will start to clear up for me. Once I've gained enough momentum, I will be able to tackle the bigger, more foreboding objects of my desires. I make peace with the passing of time, that its ebbs and flows will wash away doubt and insincerity. That there will come a day that I will not feel that I am tricking myself into happiness.

It is immensely helpful to track all of your moods. Not just the negative, but the positive as well. Vent when you need to as it's extremely therapeutic, but also make note of your better days. You can look back and be reminded of the times that things went right, rather than all the times it went wrong. As humans, we tend to focus and scrutinize all of the bad happenings in our lives. Try to divert this mindset by countering them. Provide examples of a really good date you went on, an easy afternoon listening to your favourite music, a twilight bonfire with a group of friends. Take note of them all so that you can look back on them and be uplifted. It may seem foreign if you're used to recounting bad times in your journal, such as myself. But it is yet another learning curve that you will overcome. Soon, it will become second nature to recount the good times, the good memories. And one day they will over-shine all of the dull moments, the ones you'd rather strike from the record.

I've been starting small with this one. Writing down in my daily planner the things I accomplished. Once the week is over, I can look back and see all of the things I was able to check off. It fills me with a sense of pride that I was able to do hard things and feel better for it. Even simple tasks like getting to the pile of laundry in my room or washing my face routinely, I know that they're leading me to something bigger. With each day I'm building up the courage to tackle harder tasks, to get to the ones I've been putting off for years. Seeing that positivity has uplifted my spirits and propelled me forward. I'm beginning to trust myself again because I know that there is positive intent behind my actions.

I hope that this is something you can also learn. Grow your roots so deep that you become an immovable force. Expand your wings so that you can brush the sky. There is no greater feeling than trusting yourself. You will be there soon enough, keep going.

I know you have it in you.