Control

I've been practicing envisioning my future. Of the things I will have learned and the journey's I will have traversed. I want to get more in touch with that person. I want to have a conversation with her, to know how things will work out.

This is not as far-fetched as it may seem.

All I've been doing is visiting the safe space in my head I always come back to. For each, it is different.

For me, I envision a home in the woods, a creek flowing nearby, a fire raging on the property, light music dancing across my ears, the night breeze flowing through my spirit. There is good company and laughter and beer. There is pasta and carrot cake and a cozy cat waiting for me inside. The smell of nature surrounds my senses, the coolness of the night enlivening my spirit and filling me with awareness of my gratitude for the small things. I feel grounded and assured and happy. Fulfilled and passionate for my craft, uplifted by the special connections in my life. Jokes are being told, memories being shared, new ones being created. I am in bliss. And the best part? It never ends. Because I know I have the mental strength to return to this place at any time. This moment is not fleeting, it will surround me forever. This is my base, my core. The contentment that I can always return to because I know it will be there waiting for me. Nothing will stand in the way of this trust I have built within myself. I am at peace.

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When I meditate, this is my favourite space to visit. I have never felt more safe or calm in my entire life. It breathes an air of freshness into my being. I don't have to put up any defenses, just let this renewal wash over me in waves.

In these moments, I feel truly connected to the universe. I feel that fate is making its way towards me and I need only reach out to meet it. It fills me with a great sense of empowerment and hope, striking me with the need to continue my journey and enjoy all that is to offer.

It's not about overcoming straight away, it's not about repressing while trying to move forward. It's handling what you can take in the moment. Tackling small battles to strengthen mental toughness that will guide you on the way.

I get trapped in thoughts of doom and failure. Each set-back is a blow to my ego, which takes me with its vigour.

My heart will always lead me to where I am destined. It calls in gentle waves, lighting thoughts on my path and telling me where exactly I need to focus my attention. It is not desperate or vain, but rather ignites the all-knowing truth I store in my body. My heart guides true, it holds no contempt nor fear. It only wants to see me shine in my element, to fulfill each of my deepest desires.

The things that are meant for me, the things that are not, they are all stored in this place of love and nurturing. It realizes and validates my struggles, does not push me when I am not ready. It builds slowly until the time of reckoning comes, when I am finally able to acknowledge the things that are not working. By this point, I have grown enough in mental strength to be able to bear the weight of what this means for me. Whether it be a rough patch in a relationship or a change in jobs, my heart has been preparing me the whole time, equipping me with the proper tools to move forward without faltering.

I can take strides to improve my situation, to not be locked up and unable to take action. I can allow myself to see the other side, unclouded by fear or resentment. I find peace in the knowledge that what is meant for me will find its way into my life. And if it doesn't come, it was not destined. This is comforting to me. To be assured of the fact that just because I am the common denominator does not mean I am to blame for my circumstances. Perhaps I attract a certain kind of person in relationships. Perhaps the jobs I've worked are just stepping stones to my future passion. Perhaps my past trauma was meant to shape me into the mentally strong person I am becoming.

None of what happens to me is subject to blame. I cannot predict the nature of things and will do best to not meddle in what has been written. The more I fight to keep broken things, the more I chip away of myself. And what a nuisance it is to go back and collect those pieces. No, I would rather protect myself and continue being whole than waste my time on the what-if's and could've-been's.

From a place of clarity and support, I can finally recognize all of this. It has taken me a long time to feel something so strongly resonate within me. I claim this now as my outlook. I will continue coming back here no matter how arduous. No matter how far I fall back, no matter the mis-steps I take, I will always have a place here. It has been carved out for me to return and rest. To take my time in neutrality so that I can once again rise higher.

This is not a linear path. I will have to open myself to all of the pitfalls I will surely find myself in. I will also have to open myself to the fact that I can practice solidifying the relationship with my mind. I am capable of uplifting my mental state and letting negativity pass through me. I do not have to form attachments to my misery and wallow in its depression. I can take action and start small and create momentum. I can pick myself back up and keep going because I know something great awaits me.

It didn't begin now, it has existed my entire lifetime. It has been lying in wait, patiently standing in the background, leading me towards its comfort. The power lies in the recognition of its domain. Bringing into fruition all of the possibilities of passion and joy and truly living life.

What does begin now is disallowing inhibitions to rule me. To disallow misfortunes from getting a firm grasp of my consciousness. I will be guided by my heart, by my core. There is no mistaking the divine truth which it holds.

I am one with myself, I am whole.

I will never lose sight of what kismet has foretold.